Kindness?

What I took away from these reading on kindness if that kindness is something that should be a part of everyday life, somewhat like breathing. It shouldn’t have to be talked about, it should just be done, but this isn’t the case. “ Why do the pleasures of kindness seem to astonish us?” Pg.4. This is a question that is tough to answer for me because I don’t want to answer it. I think everyone should be kind, but today that isn’t the case. On a personal note, for lent I decided that I would do something kind for someone everyday, but when I thought about it, I already did do something kind everyday, even if it was opening a door for a stranger. Lent has been going on for a few weeks now, and I have noticed myself realizing my random act of kindness. I’m not doing it for anyone else, but more just to be a good person. I believe that kindness can be related to my Community partner because a lot of the kids there have kindness in their heart, but choose to not show it in fear of being made fun of. This is my opinion, but I believe it to be true. All the kids there seem to have a higher someone, something, telling them how to act and dress, because most of them act the same, and kindness is something that isn’t stressed in this world of theirs. Hopefully with time they will mature into people that society accepts as kind.

Kindly mistaken

How do you see the role of vulnerability in your service-learning experience?
By Justin Salter
In my service-learning experience I work with a very vulnerable group of people. As I talked about on my research assignment, the reason this age group is abused is because they are so vulnerable. It is because they are vulnerable however, that I feel like it is my duty to help them. “…which show kindness registering much higher on the happiness scale than self-focused behavior. “ (pg 3) This is true for me. I feel much happier when I help people than when I do anything else. This is why I want to be a nurse, so I can enjoy myself, while I make a good living. “In one sense kindness is always hazardous because it is based on the susceptibility to others, a capacity to identify with their pleasures and sufferings.” (pg 5) This is very true and by doing this people make themselves vulnerable as well. They are more easily taken advantage of and sometimes it even enables the other group to continue to portray the need for possibly unneeded help.
“We have become phobic of kindness in our own societies, avoiding obvious acts of kindness and producing, as we do with phobias, endless rationalizations to justify our avoidance.” (pg 8) This quote stood out to me because a common excuse I hear for why people don’t help others is because they don’t have time. Well I don’t have time yet I still do. People come up with justifications so they don’t feel bad about not helping others. To most, the self comes first, and as long as a person thinks this as opposed to society as a whole coming first, then this phobia of kindness will continue. Most believe it is a dog eat dog world out there so they don’t care about the eaten dogs. Unfortunately, it seems kindness is reserved for those who need it least, like the wealthy and the famous. This is because people want to identify with them, because they wish they were in the same situation. Man people can be so kindly mistaken!!

Kindness

Kindness is a trait that has evolved over time. Many people believe that self interest or focusing on yourself will bring you true happiness however, "kindness registers much higher on the happiness scale the self focused activities."(Phillips 1) If more people would just realize that being kind to other people would significantly increase their happiness and the world would be a better place. According to philosopher Marcus Aurelis "kindness was man kinds greatest delight" What exactly happened to change this way of thinking? As the world becomes more modern the focus falls off of pleasing and helping others to pleasing yourself but we should return to our roots and realize that true happiness comes from kindness, and empathy to others. Many people do withdraw from kindness because the act of being kind is based on a "susceptibility to others"(Phillips 5). It forces us to be empathetic and see what someone really needs which can put you in a vulnerable position. When people do get over there fear of being kind, and when people realize that being kind to others will actually make them happier then focusing on themselves I think that many people will realize that showing true kindness will be beneficial to everyone.

The suppression of emotions and kindness

Why has the act of showing emotions become taboo? In the society that we live in kindness and other emotions are very strictly suppressed. It is inappropriate for people to show too much personal excitement (too happy with ones own accomplishments, unsportsmanlike), for people to cry in public (overly emotional, over dramatic), and for people to show extreme anger (over reacting, not everyone else's problem) unless of course it is broad casted across the nation on Jerry Springer. Showing a simple act of kindness is also not accepted. One thing we are taught from a very young age is to suppress our emotions, to control ourselves, and not make a scene. Is it because it inconveniences the general public to have to think of your problems rather than their own, or is it because it is embarrassing for those involved? Ultimately it is because in many situations emotions=weakness. The idea that one cannot control him or herself leads to the thought that he or she cannot possibly control any other part of his or her life. I mean if you can't control yourself, then what can you control? Emotions are weakness. Any act of kindness stems from an emotion, so indirectly kindness is weakness. And weakness is unacceptable. As Phillips and Taylor state it, "Living according to our sympathies, we imagine, will weaken or overwhelm us" (4-5). This basically means that if we give in to our emotions and sympathies we will not be able to function in everyday life. It is too easy to get caught up in emotions and consequently not attend to other work. But if people have no emotions at all then what are they? Can people who seemingly have no emotions even be counted as people? Why are emotions suppressed? Because emotions are incredible. How could emotions weaken you if they weren't themselves extremely powerful? The idea of being overwhelmed deeply frightens people. In order to stop this tidal wave of emotions before it even has a chance to begin, we as a society teach our children to suppress our feelings. Tears are weakness, and kindness is vulnerability. On Kindness says, "Kindness is seen either as a cover story or as a failure of nerve. Popular icons of kindness [...] are either worshipped as saints or gleefully unmasked as self-serving hypocrites" (8). It is either one extreme or the other. There is no medium. In this respect people can't just be kind. Why not? In my service learning there is one students who always asks me why I am there, or if I get paid to be there. When I tell him no he gives me a strange look and rolls his eyes; every time. Why is kindness such an anomaly? The idea that people are just kind doesn't seem to make sense in the world that we live in. Many people nowadays are deceitful and have a need to constantly ask why. In society today this lack of trust is understandable. It seems that most people have a hidden agenda that leads to the selfishness associated with certain kindnesses. Many times people benefiting from acts of kindness are, understandably, suspicious. What does this person want from me? What do they get out of this? Why? The idea that certain people are willing to put themselves out and act kindly is amazing to some people. I have friends who would always ask me why I did community service when I wasn't required. I would respond that I enjoyed it. They thought it was ridiculous that I would choose to spend parts of my summer days running around with little kids. I cannot say that by doing community service I was acting selflessly because I enjoyed myself as well, but through the eyes of people around me, I was willingly giving up my free time to do something that had no tangible value to me. Does this mean I am weak? In what sense would this make me weak? Emotions are powerful. One way to strengthen your heart is to help others. Kindness is a powerful act that many people take for granted everyday. What would society be like if we weren't so afraid of weaknesses? If people were encouraged to say what they feel, or to show their emotions, society would be completely different.

Text Reflection 8: I AM … KINDNESS

Philips and Taylor point to important issues of kindness, vulnerability, weakness, and fear. As I was reading, I immediately confronted my long-held beliefs about independence, self-reliance, self-focus, and my often self-punishment in feeling too connected and dependent on people, whether it be my parents, a friend, or a lover. I have personally always battled with complex questions of life, purpose and human nature. On Kindness spoke from a perspective I wasn’t necessarily used too, but a perspective that made sense to me and my life. In foraging societies or even as we trace history, it seems more prevalent that the past is more engulfed in love because the ultimate reality then was mutual belonging, connection, and cooperation with one another. Now, however, with pressures from numerous institutions like government, education, society, capitalism, etc the motive is autonomy and independence. This explains our frequent feeling, as a whole, of discontent and speaks specifically to my emotional imbalance and doubt with the idea that “something seems to be missing.” So, like the authors pose the question, why do we run from what makes us feel good? Why do we make rules for what is wrong or right to ‘feel’ or ‘strive’ for? I do not believe it is because we are actually innately born “bad, mad, and dangerous…that as a species… we are deeply and fundamentally antagonistic…that our motives are utterly self-seeking and that our sympathies are forms of self-protection” (4). But, in actuality, we cannot love our neighbors as ourselves because we have lost love for ourselves without truly knowing why and what to do about it. With this as a generalization, it is also a vague, but often true remark to notice our expectations of kindness as a parent. And with this relationship, we often see how kindness brings pure joy and unconditional love, as well as vulnerability. Many people are deeply moved when they have a child and some contain such total love for them, even when the child disappoints or angers them. There is a connection that remains eternal between a parent and child. It is of course children that are pure and innocent, not yet contaminated and trained on how to avert kindness and vulnerability. Just in watching a young child, one can see the obvious attraction they have to help and be connected with another being.
The question posed is, are we meant to be competitive or cooperative? Tom Shadyac, director of I Am seeks to answer these questions as well. One example he gives is, Darwin’s theory of natural selection, where one might assume that nature is simply about survival of the fittest, or rivalry, but in actuality his popularized theory was skewed by the biases of the people who marketed it. Darwin, in fact knew of love, especially in nature. One study looked at a herd of deer, where it was assumed that the alpha-male would decide when the herd would go the watering hole. Researchers were surprised when they realized that the group went only when 51 percent, or the majority were in consent with each other. Even animal, whom we refer to as separate then us, including our nearest relatives, the Great Apes, is built for cooperation, mutual belonging, and kindness. Shadyac further supports this notion by speaking to scholars of all different disciplines including religion, science, psychology, sociology, history, and neurosciences. Starting with the questions: What is wrong with this world, the underlying root causes of our problems, tragedies, and disaster? And what can we do about it? We all know about a disappointment, a misfortune, or a problem that needs fixing. At our community partner association we identify a specific need and address is through service, while simultaneously analyzing ourselves and those we work with. We question society and institutions and when we see the complexity of the root systems in causation of the problem, we slightly retreat at the idea that some things are too big for us to change. Yet, at the same time, we choose not turn completely because for some reason, we feel good about our service, even if nothing drastically or immediately changed in that hour, in that, day or even in that week. However, our kindness prevails eternally, flowing through our magnetic fields which alter our every surrounding, carrying through the ancient and indispensible Argon we breathe, and matching a parallel in another brain through mirror neurons. The simple fact is that in every moment we are altering the world as we know it. Our kind words, brilliant ideas, nurturing hugs, fathomless silence can and will reach someone at some point. We are changing our world.
The movie most positively ends with the inspiration of connection in all of us, whether it is firing mirror neurons, shared emotions, or quantum physics. With answers came more questions, but one specific thing was certain by the end. What is right with the world? Guess what the answer is?

I Am.

Prompt for On Kindness

Against Kindness and Modern Kindness

The authors' thesis (you may not agree but try to see this on a societal level, not from your individual perspective) is that, “[m]ost people appear to believe that deep down they (and other people) are mad, bad, and dangerous to know. . . our motives are utterly self-seeking, and that our sympathies are forms of self-protection” (4).

The authors suggest that although many of us live life in “instinctive sympathetic identification with the vulnerabilities and attractions of others. . . but without a language in which to express this, or cultural support for it” (4)

(Again, remember, at times we have to over-generalize in order to be able to examine collective issues, and if we look at the state of our own country in the moment, there may be some evidence that supports these claims.)

One of the reasons, that the authors suggest, for our ambivalence about our instinct for kindness, has to do with making ourselves vulnerabile, weak: “Bearing other people’s vulnerability—which means sharing in it imaginatively and practically . . .––entails being able to bear one’s own” (11). In a sense, what we have in common is our vulnerability (an idea that Judith Butler will elaborate on in Precarious Life).

Thus, kindness has an internal tension—it brings us pleasure but it also reminds us of all that we fear about ourselves including change. (There is also an interesting discussion about whether kindness requires selflessness—hopefully we will discuss in class as this is important and a theme that will come up in C. Fred Alford’s book on whistleblowers.) How do you see the role of vulnerability in your service-learning experience? Think about yourself, those you work with etc. As always use the text to support your ideas and specifics from service to illustrate.

Also think about this in relation to and tie in the final chapter, "Modern Kindness" where the authors start by citing Winnicott who wrote about our moral ability to imagine the "thoughts and feelings and hopes of another person" (95). Jonathon Lehrer also described this capacity for empathy and its source in the emotions. The argument is also very much the message that is so well captured in I Am, for those who saw it: "We depend upon others not just for our survival but for our being. The self without sympathetic attachments is either a fiction or a lunatic" (95).

The authors continue to discuss the reasons why this is such a difficult reality for us to face: "Our resistance to kindness is resistance to encountering what kindness means in us, and what we meet in other people by being kind to them" (113).

Of course, our issues with vulnerability and dependence as discussed in the first chapter are a large part of this resistance. So keep thinking about the connections and how you see the implications in your own relation to your service experience (remember to start with yourself, not just about what you see in others).

Good and Bad

I think that everyday people make good and bad decisions, little or big, they are still a decision we must make and sometimes it is going to be good and sometimes it is going to be bad. Most people are good people who want to do good, but mixed in with those people are people who like to do bad. I don’t know why, because I don’t think I am a bad person, but never the less they make bad decisions that could end up hurting people and making people unhappy. What I just said also brings up the question of what is good and what defines a good person. Based on the society we live in the idea of a good person is someone who is generally nice, not to friendly and willing to help people in need. These people are all over the place. When describing a bad person, the task is a little harder. Needleman says we are “ searching…for a new purpose, voluntary to serve the good.” But as I said before the bad are out there and everyone has there own opinion of what is bad, even the bad. I hope that makes sense. I thought the part about the body and the soul being part of the reason you are good or bad was very interesting, but at the same time is tough to understand because we don’t want to believe we were born good or bad, happy or sad. That’s why the people who actually do stuff to be good, or bad, are at least speaking there action. To many people sit back and do nothing, just watching the world spin, when they could do something good with their lives.