In awe

The concept of awe was at first just a word that meant surprise or delight. After reading this, however, its complexity is existent and its importance is noticed. For me, awe is a temporary feeling in a momentary instant that illuminate all other feelings, senses, and thoughts. It’s the presence of something magical. Schneider asks “from whom or what does this leap emerge?...Through struggle, intentional living, and openness, one can find awe-based faith (147). In working with the girls and boys at Canal I faced many instances that made me question my values, my beliefs, and especially myself. We all like to find those moments where we pat ourselves on the back with pride. But what about those moments where we face ourselves and realize some of things you built yourself up to be are not actually consistent as we thought? What about when we are put in a position we have always talked about being in, emphasizing with ease “how we react in that position.” Because the truth is, you have no idea what it will feel like until you are in the middle of it all. While I sat in these moments of despair and reflection, I decided to not judge myself or others, and just listen to what the kids wanted. I opened myself to them as well and told them truth about my life when they asked silly or even inappropriate questions. Yesterday was my final day, and I worked with my friend, her teacher gave me her progress report. She was receiving D’s in two classes. It was time for me to get a little serious with her. I pulled her aside and told her how much I loved working with her and how great and funny and intelligent she was. I acknowledged her struggles at home and her frustrations with test scores. I reminded her of what she had told me about getting out of the life she was in and encouraged her to allow school to be her vehicle for change. I asked her if she felt she was giving her best effort. She looked up and down and eventually said no, she would try harder. It was moment the relationship changed. I felt like a mother, but in this case, it seemed necessary. My roles change with her sometimes but I always remind her how much I care about her and want her to be happy. As a friend and source of encouragement, Schneider struck me with his sentence that (as a caretaker) “to foster and encourage diverse childhood experiences, from sadness to gladness, unsettlement to bliss, repulsion to zeal (149).

She needs to know “there was a witness who cared”(152) that if all else falls around I will be there for her no matter what the condition. This is the love my mother showed me and as a 19-year-old, I obviously don’t have a biological kid to pass it on to but will give my heart to my friend at Canal.